So I am sitting here on the couch, listening to some good classical music while Emerson naps in her blue swinging chair, and I am blessed this sunshiny morning. I woke up a bit grumpily from a deep dream-filled slumber with
Tilden tapping my shoulder, telling me that he was going to get Emerson out of her crib because she had a bad diaper...
But because I purposefully went to bed earlier last night, I don't feel tired this morning, so I am now in a good mood (I am so not a morning person, and having a baby who wakes up when the sun comes up is a difficult thing... at least she's adorable).
I am soliciting prayer...
For my
FMLA maternity leave, I chose to work half days since November...
Tilden is also working half days; he works mornings, I work afternoons. This works out well for little
Eme, who gets to spend quality time with both of us while we can also have time that we can devote to our jobs as well. This is the plan through the end of February, at which point I am supposed to go back to work full time. The thing is, I don't think I can. The thought of putting Emerson in daycare full time can not even register in my brain... and other options like a nanny or someone else watching Emerson don't sit well with me either because I don't want someone else being with my child more than I am (although I know some awesome nannies, who, by the way, I couldn't afford!)... I don't want someone else being the one to raise my child. Because see, if she wakes up at 7:00am, I would see her in the morning while I am getting ready for work, but then I wouldn't see her again until 4:30pm or so, when I got home from work, and then she goes to bed around 7:00pm. How can I raise my daughter when I would only see her 4 hours a day?
I love my job... it is not just a job for me... it is my mission, my calling. But I feel like I am going to be leaving it at the end of February...
I have been praying about what we would do with Emerson since before she was born... I know that God has a plan already in place; my prayer is for Him now to reveal it to me... and it seems like leaving work is becoming the clearer option for me as the days go by.
I would miss my work terribly... I don't think I have come to a finishing point yet... but it makes me excited to think that I would be able to stay home with Emerson and live life with her everyday.
Financially, it would be a struggle. But we could make it work... people do it all the time. We may have to sacrifice certain possessions, vacations, even our current home, but I am willing to do so.
Afterall, I would hate to look back a few years from now and say, "I didn't get to spend much time with Emerson when she was little, but I sure loved that place we lived!" It has become clearer to me these past weeks that possessions, occupations, even homes don't define me... it's not about those things... it's about my relationship with God, and when that's where it should be, my purpose and role as God's child is revealed... and along with that is my role as Emerson's mother...
And now she is waking up and smiling at me, so I will go, but please take a few minutes to pray on my family's behalf... that I may do what God wants for my life... and that my wants, desires, or thoughts do not interfere with God's plan...
