So I've been having these subconscious thoughts since I have been pregnant, thoughts that have only turned into words today. I just keep wondering if it is selfish for me and Tilden to have a child of our own. I mean, there are so many children already born out there who don't have someone to love them and don't have someone to take care of them. I have always said that I am interested in adoption, and I was even looking into the Mecklenburg County foster care system when I found out I was pregnant, which I took as a cue that I was not meant to be a foster parent at this point in my life, but that I am to raise my own child. So then I think, why does God want us to raise our own child? Yes, there will be countless joys and blessings that come with parenthood, but is that selfishness as well? Maybe not... maybe God blesses us with the gift of a child... allowing us to bask in that joy...

But the only possible conclusion I can come to right now as to why God wants us to have a child is to raise it up not only love God (that can't be enough), but to want to serve God and make God's world a better place...to raise a child who can make a difference in the world even more so than me and Tilden... a child who can carry on the fight when we are no longer able. Any other reason for having a child is just selfishness, right?

So that is what I pray. That I may see even the smallest joys of having this life grow inside and outside of me... so that I can truly appreciate being a part of this miracle of God... and that we may raise this child to truly be a child of God... a child who not only see the beauty of this world, but the injustices as well... and who is not content to live inactively alongside them.