really?!
This is a post that I was going to post, but decided not to because, afterall, I don't want to make a bigger deal over the topic:
I've been thinking quite a bit about this whole topic of women needing to cover themselves up more so as not to cause men to sin. And I'm just not buying it. I have read a couple of people's blogs about it, and while I definitely see their well-written points, it just doesn't sit well with me. I have also had long conversations with other men and women about it--some of whom have read books about the topic, and I still don't think it is that big of a deal. I know that people can write books about anything and sell them and convince readers that the topic is truth and a big deal.
Please don't tell me that it is a woman's fault for a guy choosing to look at her lustfully. If it is that much of a problem for a man, then he needs to get a grip. And don't tell me that it is a part of human nature. Sin is a part of human nature, and we can control if we want to sin or not. I'm just in the mindset that a woman's body is what she has been given, and she should not have to feel bad if it is hot, and she should not feel bad if it isn't. Sex is everywhere we turn, but yet it is still widely forbidden, thanks to our country's Puritist roots. I think the problem with sex is more prevalent in the United States... in other western societies people aren't as screwed up when it comes to dealing with (or not dealing with) sexuality. It is because of this twisted sexual message that women have so many self-esteem problems that lead to negative behaviors such as bad eating habits, anorexia, substance abuse, adolescent pregnancies...
So where do we draw the line? Should women just start walking around covered head to toe as in the Middle East? If the problem now is low-cut shirts and pants that are a little too tight, then is the problem tomorrow going to be exposed ankles and wrists?
As someone who works with young girls everyday, I feel it is important for me to let them know how valued they are... not only how beautiful they EACH are, but how smart, talented, and gifted each of them are as well. I want them to know that they do not need to dress promiscuously in order to get attention from a male. But at the same time, I want them to not feel like they are an object, and I want them to be comfortable wearing whatever they feel is appropriate without having to worry if guys are staring at them or not. I think part of my problem with what I have heard is that it seems to objectify women. It sounds to me like people are saying that my body IS something for men to look at, and that the fact that men want to look at my body is okay, so I just need to cover it up so they won't be able to. I don't buy it. When does a girl get to simply be comfortable just being a girl?
Anyways, I am sure most of you will disagree with me, and that is fine. I haven't done any extensive research or reading on this topic, so what I am saying is simply my opinion. One neat thing about my thinking about this topic though is my new interest and involvement with Girls On the Run, a program with the mission statement: "To educate and prepare girls for a life time of self-respect and healthy living."(Check it out at girlsontherun.org.) Maybe one day girls won't have to worry about being labeled by other girls or gawked at by guys. Until then, let's all take responsibility for our own actions, let's not be so quick to judge others, and when we have a problem with what someone else is wearing, let's stop to think why, and then if it is still a problem, let's confront that person in a loving way.
I've been thinking quite a bit about this whole topic of women needing to cover themselves up more so as not to cause men to sin. And I'm just not buying it. I have read a couple of people's blogs about it, and while I definitely see their well-written points, it just doesn't sit well with me. I have also had long conversations with other men and women about it--some of whom have read books about the topic, and I still don't think it is that big of a deal. I know that people can write books about anything and sell them and convince readers that the topic is truth and a big deal.
Please don't tell me that it is a woman's fault for a guy choosing to look at her lustfully. If it is that much of a problem for a man, then he needs to get a grip. And don't tell me that it is a part of human nature. Sin is a part of human nature, and we can control if we want to sin or not. I'm just in the mindset that a woman's body is what she has been given, and she should not have to feel bad if it is hot, and she should not feel bad if it isn't. Sex is everywhere we turn, but yet it is still widely forbidden, thanks to our country's Puritist roots. I think the problem with sex is more prevalent in the United States... in other western societies people aren't as screwed up when it comes to dealing with (or not dealing with) sexuality. It is because of this twisted sexual message that women have so many self-esteem problems that lead to negative behaviors such as bad eating habits, anorexia, substance abuse, adolescent pregnancies...
So where do we draw the line? Should women just start walking around covered head to toe as in the Middle East? If the problem now is low-cut shirts and pants that are a little too tight, then is the problem tomorrow going to be exposed ankles and wrists?
As someone who works with young girls everyday, I feel it is important for me to let them know how valued they are... not only how beautiful they EACH are, but how smart, talented, and gifted each of them are as well. I want them to know that they do not need to dress promiscuously in order to get attention from a male. But at the same time, I want them to not feel like they are an object, and I want them to be comfortable wearing whatever they feel is appropriate without having to worry if guys are staring at them or not. I think part of my problem with what I have heard is that it seems to objectify women. It sounds to me like people are saying that my body IS something for men to look at, and that the fact that men want to look at my body is okay, so I just need to cover it up so they won't be able to. I don't buy it. When does a girl get to simply be comfortable just being a girl?
Anyways, I am sure most of you will disagree with me, and that is fine. I haven't done any extensive research or reading on this topic, so what I am saying is simply my opinion. One neat thing about my thinking about this topic though is my new interest and involvement with Girls On the Run, a program with the mission statement: "To educate and prepare girls for a life time of self-respect and healthy living."(Check it out at girlsontherun.org.) Maybe one day girls won't have to worry about being labeled by other girls or gawked at by guys. Until then, let's all take responsibility for our own actions, let's not be so quick to judge others, and when we have a problem with what someone else is wearing, let's stop to think why, and then if it is still a problem, let's confront that person in a loving way.
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Posted by
The Secret of Happiness |
11:26 PM
That Girls On the Run program in AWESOME! And there's one in Asheville!!
Posted by
The Secret of Happiness |
11:31 PM
I am one of those people who have read a couple of books about this topic. I agree with the majority of what they say. And, I think there is a danger when reading these books (as a woman) to use this newfound knowledge as an excuse to 1) talk about other women even more and 2) have an excuse to be jealous of another woman. We can claim we are "protecting our man" but the danger is there for our jealous tendencies to be yielded to.
I believe in shielding your man from the world, and I also think we have to shield ourselves from, well, ourselves.
Posted by
The Secret of Happiness |
11:42 PM
I have a question for you: At the club, you have a code of conduct that references clothing choices, acceptable lengths for shorts, etc. Why does this code exist?
Posted by
Christina |
2:14 PM
i'm with you girl!!! i think this topic has an incredibly biased twist.
being a woman who has curves and has friends with curves, i object to being told something is inappropriate because a man migh tbe tempted to look at me in an impure way. why should i be the one constantly aware of what i am wearing and wondering if it's too revealing. it is extremely difficult to find clothes that hide the figure God gave me, and frankly i don't want to spend the time. i want to find something i like, try it on and (if i don't look hideous) purchase it for further wearing.
why is it that boys/men are able to walk around with their pants halfway to the ground, underwear all sorts of hanging out, and no one says one thing? maybe it's because women have this incredible gift...of being able to close their eyes or look the other way!!! men seem to be lacking this ability.
i'm a sexual being and i find many men physically attractive, but i have the self-restraint/control (self-respect?) to be aware of my reaction toward them and keep it in check.
if we spent less time telling females how wrong they are for wearing something and more time teaching our young boys what is and is not an appropriate way to look at or treat a woman, we might be able to keep our men faithful and save our women's self-esteem.
but, like you, stephanie, i am uneducated in this area so you should respect my words as i mean them to be...my own thoughts and feelings on the topic, from the viewpoint of a curve-endowed woman.
Posted by
Sheri |
2:59 PM
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Posted by
Johnny |
3:21 PM
"My child, if you accept my words and store up my commands within you,
turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding,
and if you call out for insight
and cry aloud for understanding,
and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure,
then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God.
For the Lord gives wisdom, and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding." (Proverbs 2:1-6 NIV)
Posted by
Johnny |
3:23 PM
Christina asks a good question.
I guess I can answer her question indirectly. I've never really had to inforce the dress rules with the females in the Club... I've never had a girl come in with clothes that just totally look inappropriate. I think the rule says that their shorts need to be finger-tip length, but I've never felt the need to inforce it with shorts that are just way too short. Also, I think it says no spaghetti strap shirts, but again, I don't mind if girls wear spaghetti straps. The guys, on the other hand, as Sheri points out, have to be reminded of the rules often. They have to take their hats off (again, a rule of respect that I am not quite sure why it exists) and they have to be reminded to pull their pants up.
I admit that it has been engrained in my mind that as a girl, I should cover up. I grew up going to CWJ where we could only wear one-piece bathing suits, so I never owned a bikini until I was in high school. And I still feel a bit self-conscious wearing one, even though I don't think I should. My biggest issue is what message are we giving girls if we tell them to cover up their bodies? Are we telling them that it is inappropriate to look at it? I mean, it is their body! It is beautiful! I just want to be sure we are giving girls the right message... maybe the right balance of messages (that they don't have to dress provocatively to attract men AND that they can feel comfortable enough with their body to show a little skin) as they are growing up so that they can be truely comfortable in their own skin.
"Charlotte Talks" on NPR the other day had an intersting discussion that touched base on this topic. Mike interviewed the authors fo a new book "Bikini is a State of Mind." It's a book that supports my theory.
Posted by
Stephanie |
7:51 PM
well, i [as i'm sure you can imagine] have plenty of thoughts on this subject. however, my opinions tend to be polarizing, oftentimes in stark black and white, but i am willing to examine the grey...greygreygrey areas.
as i consider that statement i wonder how many people think THIS is black/white and who sees it in shades of grey?
ultimately, i think we would all agree that we are each responsible for our own actions and behaviors, whether that be a man's lustful thoughts or a woman's complete disregard for modesty and respect for others.
it's true that no one FORCES a man to gawk, drool or think nastay thoughts about a woman who is not his wife. it's also true that a woman KNOWS when she wears something that will attract that type of attention. just as she's not forcing him to look at her, she is responsible for exposing something that she doesn't want looked at.
agreed?
so ladies, let's LOVE our bodies (as much as we can if they are not in the shape we'd like them to be in) and also take responsibility when we choose to show skin in areas that the majority of society deem "provocative." ****this is in no way to be applied to those freak shows who enjoy elbows/ankes/feet/etc WAY too much***
confession time - i get ticked off at girls who decide it's ok to hate me because i can't wear anything other than a sweatshirt to conceal certain assets. do i walk around intentionally baring cleavage? rarely.
interestingly, i also find myself getting irked and irritated with those skinny girls in return - they wear clothes that are ridiculously form-fitting because their stomachs are flat and their assets don't draw as much attention. it's hypocritical of them to point at me for trying to modestly live in the body i was given while they could be accused of "flaunting" way more than i could, based purely on the tightness of their pants or shirts that aren't covering enough skin in either direction.
see? we can be honest. i love every single one of you beautiful women and wish that more men would have commented - no offense, johnny....you DO count. i'd like to hear responses from others, though. maybe that would be unwise, though, because then we might all start acting weird around each other, wondering if the fellas are tempted. i'd start wearing sweats again....like that's a sacrifice. :-)
sj -out-
Posted by
sarah jewett clarke |
10:08 PM
Way to go - this is a very transparent blog conversation!
Posted by
sixonefour |
10:52 PM