So this is it...

2008-07-19T20:34:00.002-04:00

This has been a hard week at work... and I am tired mentally, physically, emotionally... my heart hurts for the people involved in decisions I have had to make and situations I have had to deal with this week...

I want some rain to just pour all over me right now...

Rascal Dog

2008-06-23T22:13:00.004-04:00

So we knew this day was coming... I just didn't think it would hit me as hard as it has... after having Rascal as a loyal family pet for 12 years, we put her to sleep today. She had developed cancer that had spread to her lungs and had caused her to go blind in one eye... it was such a hard decision for us to make as a family, but we knew it was time... she lived such a great life... she brought so much happiness, laughter, and comfort to our family... I never thought I would have gotten so attached to her... I loved that dog. Mom and Dad talked to Trip on Friday night to prepare him (Rascal was technically his dog... he got her as a Christmas present when he was 8), and it was decided that we shouldn't wait anymore. Rascal may have been Trip's dog, but she definitely had the loyal-to-your-master relationship with my dad. If one of the rest of us told her to "come," she would maybe come (chances improved if we had a treat or an open car door). But if dad told her to "come," she would come. So dad wanted to take Rascal to the vet alone, I guess so he wouldn't have to be strong in front of anyone. So we all gave her one last ear rub or hug and told her goodbye beforehand. When dad pulled her leash down, she started wagging her tail, just as she always did when she knew she was going to go for a walk or a drive. When dad left with her, Trip closed the doggy door for the last time and just laid in front of it and cried.

So, Rascal is gone now. We have so many funny memories of her... when she ate an entire pizza off the kitchen counter (giving her the name Pizza Dog); when she ate an entire bag (wrappers and all) of Hersey kisses; when she ate an entire turkey carcass out of the trash (okay, so that dog liked to eat!); when Tilden picked her up when she was getting ready to fight another dog and accidentally stuck his hand up her rearend; when we decided that she had fallen in love with a dog on the Purina Dog Show; when she and Hannah frenched kiss when Hannah was a baby; when she had ELEVEN puppies; when we were pretty sure that for years she talked with a lisp; when just the sight of our tennis shoes would make her whine for a walk; when Becca & I decided to decorate her with paint but Trip got mad at us; when she caught a deer out at camp; when she burped really loud; when she was always there to greet us excitedly and genuinely as we walked into mom & dad's house; when she followed dad around camp everywhere he went; when she did great tricks on command; when she was always available for a cuddle...

I'm going to miss that dog...

2008-05-03T21:11:00.001-04:00

My thoughts are too complex and involved lately to condense into a pretty little blog post...

Stagnant

2008-03-26T18:09:00.006-04:00

How quickly life becomes stagnant... of course there are beautiful, small joys in my life every day... especially with little Emerson around... but there are also too many moments that just pass by...that aren't lived fully. I'm reminded of the Pink Floyd song "Time..."

...you are young and life is long
And there is time to kill today
And then one day you find
Ten years have got behind you
No one told you when to run
You missed the starting gun...

Time is passing by so quickly... where is it going? What have I done with the time God has already given me? How can I make the most of every moment I have?

Today sure is a beautiful day...

2008-02-27T21:44:00.002-05:00

I was just watching Super Nanny, and I started crying. I started crying for all the kids in this world who grow up with parents who do not do what’s best for them… with parents who are abusive, immature, selfish, and just ignorant. It hurts to imagine Emerson, or any other child I know for that matter, being treated the way too many children in this world are treated by their parents… the ones who are supposed to love them and care for them the most. I just have to wonder what a different world this would be if all children were allowed to grow up in a safe, positive, nurturing home.

Oh God, please protect and keep safe every child in this world tonight… let the children in this world experience at least this one night of safety and love… and if that is not your will, then please God, put someone in each of their lives that will show them love and will treat them like the beautiful creation you created them to be. Let them grow up knowing that they are valued and are Your creation... let it be so...

Time for some more pictures...

2008-02-18T21:25:00.006-05:00

If these pictures are any indication of her personality, we're going to have a blast these next 18 years!

This girl loves her bath time...

This picture was taken right after she turned over from her back to her stomach!

Emerson at 4 months old... we almost forgot to take a picture on her 4-month birthday, but we remembered right before bedtime...

Good gracious... I love that smile...

She's recently discovered that it feels good on her gums to stick out her tongue... I love it!

"Dance It, Honey!"

2008-02-15T21:33:00.004-05:00

Rebecca has been taking dance classes downtown, and she recently received an invitation to attend a master dance class with the Alvin Ailey company since they are performing in town this weekend (which Tilden and I will be going to see as well). She invited me to go with her, so that's how I ended up spending my Wednesday evening. After running a couple blocks in the pouring rain with no umbrella from our parking deck to the Blumenthal, we made it to the class soaking wet, but ready to soak in everything offered in the class.

I love dancing, but haven't done any dancing (besides jumping around in my living room) in quite some time. It was awesome... it made me remember why I love dancing so much in the first place. Yeah, I felt extremely stupid because I couldn't catch on to the routine fast enough, and when I got one part I forgot another part, but I was impressed with how much technique I still remember. My post-pregnancy body is extremely out of shape, and muscles that haven't been worked in a long time from my wrists to my knees were sore, but it felt good to be in a dance class... to receive feedback on how I was doing. The instructor kept saying, "you've got to dance it, honey!" He made a good point: sometimes you just have to get back to the basics and remember why you fell in love with the art in the first place. I think that advice could pretty much work in many areas of life...

Anyways, it was a fun, unexpected way to spend an evening... who knows? Maybe I'll enroll in some more classes soon...

Three Cups of Tea

2008-02-10T00:30:00.000-05:00

I'd recommend this book to pretty much every American to read... it gives a great perspective on what life is really like in the Middle East... and what one guy is doing to make a difference...

2008-01-31T21:16:00.000-05:00

So my prayer tonight as I caught a glimpse of my sleeping daughter in the mirror as I was laying her in her crib was, "oh God, please don't let me screw this whole thing up..."

It kind of just hit me, all over again, that she is an actual human... a human that we are shaping into an adult... an actual adult who will make her own decisions and impact other people... somehow.

wow.

My life...

2008-01-10T10:15:00.001-05:00

Years ago, I never would have thought that my life would now consist of children's music playing constantly in my home, my living room being scattered with colorful baby toys, my days being planned around when my daughter will want to eat again, rushing to get home from work to see my husband and baby, meals being eaten while smiling at the face of a cooing baby, thinking that the best invention ever is a pillow called "My Breast Friend," washing and folding such small articles of clothing constantly, being ready for bed by 9pm, getting joy out of seeing my daughter hold a toy or follow an object with her eyes or take a nap in her crib...

But that's my life now, and well, it suits me just fine.

Decision time...

2008-01-07T09:10:00.000-05:00

So I am sitting here on the couch, listening to some good classical music while Emerson naps in her blue swinging chair, and I am blessed this sunshiny morning. I woke up a bit grumpily from a deep dream-filled slumber with Tilden tapping my shoulder, telling me that he was going to get Emerson out of her crib because she had a bad diaper...

But because I purposefully went to bed earlier last night, I don't feel tired this morning, so I am now in a good mood (I am so not a morning person, and having a baby who wakes up when the sun comes up is a difficult thing... at least she's adorable).

I am soliciting prayer...

For my FMLA maternity leave, I chose to work half days since November... Tilden is also working half days; he works mornings, I work afternoons. This works out well for little Eme, who gets to spend quality time with both of us while we can also have time that we can devote to our jobs as well. This is the plan through the end of February, at which point I am supposed to go back to work full time. The thing is, I don't think I can. The thought of putting Emerson in daycare full time can not even register in my brain... and other options like a nanny or someone else watching Emerson don't sit well with me either because I don't want someone else being with my child more than I am (although I know some awesome nannies, who, by the way, I couldn't afford!)... I don't want someone else being the one to raise my child. Because see, if she wakes up at 7:00am, I would see her in the morning while I am getting ready for work, but then I wouldn't see her again until 4:30pm or so, when I got home from work, and then she goes to bed around 7:00pm. How can I raise my daughter when I would only see her 4 hours a day?

I love my job... it is not just a job for me... it is my mission, my calling. But I feel like I am going to be leaving it at the end of February...

I have been praying about what we would do with Emerson since before she was born... I know that God has a plan already in place; my prayer is for Him now to reveal it to me... and it seems like leaving work is becoming the clearer option for me as the days go by.

I would miss my work terribly... I don't think I have come to a finishing point yet... but it makes me excited to think that I would be able to stay home with Emerson and live life with her everyday.

Financially, it would be a struggle. But we could make it work... people do it all the time. We may have to sacrifice certain possessions, vacations, even our current home, but I am willing to do so. Afterall, I would hate to look back a few years from now and say, "I didn't get to spend much time with Emerson when she was little, but I sure loved that place we lived!" It has become clearer to me these past weeks that possessions, occupations, even homes don't define me... it's not about those things... it's about my relationship with God, and when that's where it should be, my purpose and role as God's child is revealed... and along with that is my role as Emerson's mother...

And now she is waking up and smiling at me, so I will go, but please take a few minutes to pray on my family's behalf... that I may do what God wants for my life... and that my wants, desires, or thoughts do not interfere with God's plan...

2007-11-30T08:42:00.000-05:00

Emerson slept all night last night! I didn't think that I would ever get an uninterrupted night's sleep ever again... but, alas, the day has come... now it may have only been a one night accurance, but I'll take what I can get... and I'm grateful. : )

Gratitude

2007-11-25T15:23:00.000-05:00

I heard this song at Watershed today... beautiful.

Send some rain, would You send some rain?
'Cause the earth is dry and needs to drink again
And the sun is high and we are sinking in the shade
Would You send a cloud, thunder long and loud?
Let the sky grow black and send some mercy down
Surely You can see that we are thirsty and afraid
But maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to thirst for You
How to bless the very sun that warms our face
If You never send us rain

Daily bread, give us daily bread
Bless our bodies, keep our children fed
Fill our cups, then fill them up again tonight
Wrap us up and warm us through
Tucked away beneath our sturdy roofs
Let us slumber safe from danger's view this time
Or maybe not, not today
Maybe You'll provide in other ways
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
A lesson learned to hunger after You
That a starry sky offers a better view
If no roof is overhead
And if we never taste that bread

Oh, the differences that often are between
Everything we want and what we really need

So grant us peace, Jesus, grant us peace
Move our hearts to hear a single beat
Between alibis and enemies tonight
Or maybe not, not today
Peace might be another world away
And if that's the case ...

We'll give thanks to You with gratitude
For lessons learned in how to trust in You
That we are blessd beyond what we could ever dream
In abundance or in need
And if You never grant us peace ...

But, Jesus, would You please ...

--by Nichole Nordeman

Live in the Sunshine...

2007-11-21T19:39:00.000-05:00

2007-10-15T16:27:00.001-04:00

So having a baby really breaks you down... emotionally, physically, even spiritually by having taken part in such an amazing miracle... it's a good brokenness... one where you just lift your arms up to God and tell Him your His... His to do whatever He wants... and I'm not just His, but my little girl is too. And that's an awesome thing.

Nine months later...

2007-10-04T21:04:00.000-04:00

So I kept meaning to get around to posting ultrasound pictures of the baby... never quite got to it... time passes so quickly... now I have actual pictures of Emerson Maya Costas Engle! She was born a little more than a week early on Sept. 29 at 2:20pm... the labor process was good, and now Tilden and I have a beautiful, perfect little baby girl to cuddle and love and keep us up half the night... here are a couple of the hundreds of pictures that have been taken of her so far...

2007-09-26T19:43:00.001-04:00

I'm pretty much fed up with the way The Salvation Army, in general, views the Boys & Girls Clubs. The Club program is no less important than a Sunday service program... I'm tired of it being treated as inferior and second to anything the "corps" may do.

That's all... just frustrated.

Funny Picture

2007-09-21T23:02:00.000-04:00

Desmond took this picture... Tilden surprised us by jumping, and Desmond just happened to snap the picture right at that moment... it makes me laugh.

2007-09-15T00:16:00.000-04:00

There is a little life inside of me hiccuping right now... pretty crazy.

2007-08-12T20:46:00.000-04:00

Where has the time gone? I think I've been focused the past few months on getting prepared... physically & mentally... to have our baby girl. My days are busy and consumed with the Clubs, and my evenings are spent relaxing, reading, researching, and preparing to have a baby. Pregnancy hasn't been bad... it started off a little rough, but once I got used to it, it's been pretty easy going and absolutely amazing.

I think God wants to be more involved in this whole process, though. I haven't included him as much as I should. I need to remember to not only allow him in my daily life, but to seek him and then go after him! He wants to lead me to new places... I just have to keep up and follow.

The future is looking pretty awesome... I just have to remember to make the present just as awesome... every moment & every day.

2007-05-15T18:15:00.000-04:00

Two years down...
...eternity to go!

Freedom in the Inner Most Part of Me...

2007-05-07T20:42:00.000-04:00

I just had to get up and dance when I heard this song a few minutes ago... here are the lyrics to the second part of the song...the best way to listen to this song is while dancing around, with arms outstretched to God...

Just to be with you, oh Father!
Just to be with you, oh Daddy!
My arms are outstretched; I'm crying out to you!
Where do you want to move me; where do you want me to go?

Oh God...

Your freedom- to be like the child you created me to be
Oh the enemy of my soul-- in the world
Oh the enemy of my soul-- in religion

Oh God!

Draw me out, draw me out, draw me out, draw me out, by your hand
Draw me out, draw me out, draw me out, your arms outstretched to me!
I'm crying out; I'm crying out!
Do you hear my people father, do you hear my people father! I'm crying out!

Freedom in the inner most part of me
Freedom in the inner most part of me
Freedom in the inner most part of me!

Freedom not to be not controlled by anything,
but to be controlled by the very love and will of You, Father!

Freedom not to be controlled by anything, not just to be not controlled by anything, but to be controlled by your very will, by your very desire, by your very plans for me... move me, move me, direct me, oh God!

-- Jason Upton "Will of God" on Dying Star album

2007-04-25T00:01:00.000-04:00

So the baby is about the size of an avocado right now...

...I like it when my dad makes guacamole...

There is meanness in this world...

2007-04-18T21:41:00.000-04:00

and desperation, and hopelessness, and loneliness...

It makes my heart so heavy to see that there are people in this world... high school students, college students, young men in Iraq or Pakistan... who have gotten to such a horrible place in their life where they feel that their only alternative is to kill others...

I told Tilden last night that I feel we have become immune to these mass killings... that when Columbine happened several years ago, I was in shock and was glued to the TV to try to figure it all out... now, when twice as many people are killed, it seems like a horrible thing, but almost a part of life. I don't want something that horrific to be a part of life... but so many people in other parts of the world deal with it on a daily basis... it really is a part of their life. That's not okay...it shouldn't be a part of life for anyone. But yet here we are...

A purpose to it all...

2007-04-08T23:41:00.000-04:00

So I've been having these subconscious thoughts since I have been pregnant, thoughts that have only turned into words today. I just keep wondering if it is selfish for me and Tilden to have a child of our own. I mean, there are so many children already born out there who don't have someone to love them and don't have someone to take care of them. I have always said that I am interested in adoption, and I was even looking into the Mecklenburg County foster care system when I found out I was pregnant, which I took as a cue that I was not meant to be a foster parent at this point in my life, but that I am to raise my own child. So then I think, why does God want us to raise our own child? Yes, there will be countless joys and blessings that come with parenthood, but is that selfishness as well? Maybe not... maybe God blesses us with the gift of a child... allowing us to bask in that joy...

But the only possible conclusion I can come to right now as to why God wants us to have a child is to raise it up not only love God (that can't be enough), but to want to serve God and make God's world a better place...to raise a child who can make a difference in the world even more so than me and Tilden... a child who can carry on the fight when we are no longer able. Any other reason for having a child is just selfishness, right?

So that is what I pray. That I may see even the smallest joys of having this life grow inside and outside of me... so that I can truly appreciate being a part of this miracle of God... and that we may raise this child to truly be a child of God... a child who not only see the beauty of this world, but the injustices as well... and who is not content to live inactively alongside them.

2007-03-25T08:24:00.000-04:00

So has Tilden told you the news??

A few more pictures while I'm at it...

2007-02-11T18:25:00.000-05:00

Pictures at Alcatraz... the top one is the row of cells that the inmates names "Broadway," and the bottom picture reminds me of my prison days...

Haight-Ashbury... if I could go back in time, I'd like to have been at this spot about 40 years ago...

First time in the Pacific Ocean!

At Stenson Beach, on the Pacific Ocean with my husband. :)

Being pensive...

Another place I would like to visit if I could go back in time... City Lights bookstore, the first paperback boookstore and in the 50s, a popular hangout of the beat poets, Jack Keroac, Bob Dylan...

Another picture of the huge Redwood trees on the West Coast...

Since I don't seem to have any particular thoughts to post lately, here are some more pictures of our San Francisco trip... that was a good time experiencing life with my husband...

City by the Bay

2007-02-11T18:09:00.000-05:00

That's the actual Golden Gate Bridge behind us... with San Fransicso behind us as well... we were on the other side on our way to Sausalito and the Redwood forest.

Muir Woods... the beautiful Redwood Forest

At Union Square...the Time Square of the West coast..."I left my heart..."

One of the vineyards we visited in Napa Valley... I love how you can see the fog lifting in the reflection.

Chinatown!

This is a friend Tilden made at Fisherman's Wharf

One of the neatest things about San Francisco is the way it is literally a city of hills... makes for great views almost all the time.

So I just found these pictures "saved as draft;" I never posted them because I was going to rotate the pictures that are sideways, but I never did... so you will just have to turn your computer or your head to see them... These are all pictures of our trip to San Franciso back in November... we saw so many new places and took so many pictures that it is hard to pick out just a few to post...

Coming to a neighborhood near you...

2007-01-20T11:25:00.000-05:00

First Crate & Barrel, now IKEA?! What more could the city of Charlotte want?

2006-12-20T14:32:00.000-05:00

I saw this quote just now and thought it to be a good point...

"Your current safe boundaries were once unknown frontiers." (unknown)

2006-12-19T00:02:00.000-05:00

Ha... the other night, Tilden and I were making a fruit salad, and Tilden accidentally spilled poppy seeds all over the kitchen...all over the counter, the stove, the floor...

Tonight, he was heating some water in the kettle for some hot chocolate, when the smoke detector started going off... I came down from the loft to see what was going on, and realized that it was poppy seeds smoking in the oven burners.

Before, our house smelled like pretty Christmas tree pine. Now, it smells like we've been smokin' joints all night...

2006-12-13T21:42:00.000-05:00

Tilden and I accidentally left an open candle burning all night last night...

I didn't notice it until the morning when I happened to see its tiny flicker reflecting in the mirror...

When I blew it out, I was pretty amazed to see that it had barely burned at all...

God knew that our neighbors would be pissed if we had accidentally burned the block down...

2006-11-29T12:35:00.000-05:00

Just got back from San Francisco... we had a wonderful time... lots of firsts took place for Tilden and me these past few days... first time in California, first time riding a cable car, first time driving over the Golden Gate Bridge, first time seeing the Pacific Ocean, first time dancing in the Pacific Ocean, first time seeing a Redwood tree... the list continues. We took almost 500 pictures (my scrapbooking mother would be so proud!), so I'm sure I'll be able to post one or two on here, after I've gotten some rest and gotten settled back into East Coast life...

2006-11-23T00:05:00.000-05:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

I was talking today with a little 3rd grader whose family is currently calling a shelter home, and she was telling me all for which she had to be thankful... a young girl, sleeping in a shelter, said that she was thankful for "too many things to be able to tell you," but she did manage to list her family, a place to sleep at night, a building to protect her, people who love her, God who made Pluto (and she also mentioned that she learned in school that Pluto is no longer a planet)...

so today, we all are blessed beyond belief... from a pillow on a bed to the orbitting masses in the sky... and how awesome it is that a 3rd grader who has every reason to feel that she hasn't been given much of anything realizes those blessings.

to act on God's behalf: to express what's on His mind and in His heart

2006-11-08T01:04:00.000-05:00

So sometimes I have to make a conscious decision to believe that God is Real… that IT ALL, for the most part, happened the way it is described in the Bible (with the acceptance that I can believe that some of it is just mythological fiction that is really used to explain some unknown phenomenon…) I have to make a conscious decision to believe that the voice I hear inside my head telling me to do something is God’s voice, not just my own thoughts; that sometimes when it seems things happen coincidentally, it is really God’s hand in the situation; that some of my dreams at night are really visions from God…

I have to choose to believe all of that…

…Because for so many years of my life, I couldn’t bring myself to believe in something as bogus as a God. I wanted to believe in God… I really did. It scared me to think that I would spend eternity somewhere separate from those who I love dearly here on earth…but I couldn’t bring myself to buy in to all the whimsy of religion and heaven and hell. I remember writing in a journal when I was a young teenager, questioning God’s existence and struggling with the practical side of my brain that was telling me I couldn’t possibly give in to the foolishness that I heard in church… writing theories on how religious thought was just a crafty explanation of our existence and a way to attempt to give reason to the innate qualities of humans. I would read the Bible, looking for answers, only to find more proof for my theories and more situations that seemed truly unbelievable. I even heard from someone that when people’s hearts are hardened to God, they eventually will never be able to accept God into their hearts. That scared me even more… the image that eventually, I would have built up so many borders of reason and fortresses of rationality around my heart that I would never be able to truly believe in God.

Then it all started to change one night. I had been sleeping heavily when I suddenly woke up with a sweaty, wide-eyed, deep-with-thought jolt. I had just dreamed that I had died. I had actually died earlier in the dream, but had somehow still been around, and sensed my death was coming. I was so scared to do anything or go anywhere because I knew that I was going to die. I kept hoping I could outwit my death and make it through the day alive. I was so sad that I was going to be leaving my family. I remember crying as I told my little brother good-bye… It was such a realistic dream, I was crying as I lay in my bed.

For the first time in years, I just wanted to go crawl into bed between my mom and dad and fall into a peaceful and oblivious sleep. But instead I sat up in bed and thought. I started thinking that I didn’t want death to be a horrible, sad thing that I dreaded… dreaded so much that I would avoid living in order to avoid dying. It was that night that I decided to make a conscious decision to stop waiting for an unquestionable sign that God existed but to instead believe in God and to find God in my life…not really to ask God into my heart, because He had always been there; I had just barricaded Him in with my doubt and practicality; but to believe that it was God who had given me that dream and even more, my life.

Slowly over the next several years, I found God in other people. He revealed himself to me through Godly friends, precious children, unexpected beauty, and the awesome example of Jesus. The more I taught children about God’s love and God’s world, the more I taught myself about it too… and whenever that doubt would creep into my brain’s soul, I would lie in the grass, look up at the blue sky decorated with puffy white clouds, hear the wind blow through the trees, and know that He is God.

Yes, it is still hard for me to fathom what more there could possibly be than this world that I see and my life that I know. The thought that there could be something more when I die is literally unfathomable for me. But I have come to two realizations: one is that it is okay for me to not be able to wrap my mind around a concept that is truly bigger and more amazing than I could ever imagine. The other is that Christianity is not about living a holy life now so that I can have a heavenly life when I die. It is about living a Christ-like life now… a life full of risks and joys and pains and fulfillment and uncertainness and clarity and pleasure and pensiveness…a life that is so in line with God’s heart that when I die, it won’t matter what happens to me. All that will have mattered is that I lived my life the way my Creator intended… to have expressed what's truly on His mind and in His heart...

2006-11-05T21:57:00.000-05:00

I love how God intends for the world to be filled with beauty... he doesn't distinguish the ghetto from the rich neighborhoods when he gives us the beautiful colors of the fall foliage. When I drive through the dirty industrial parts of town, the trees are just as pretty as when I drive through the untouched forests of the Blue Ridge Mountains. God never intends for his world to be ugly... that is something that we as humans have done. And that is something that we as humans have to do something about...

Word of God Speak

2006-10-22T21:41:00.000-04:00

I'm often times not big on typical praise and worship songs... sometimes they don't seem like real art to me, but this song has been whispering through my head today, and I'm finding it beautiful right now...

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay
The last thing I need is to be heard
But to hear what You would say

Word of God speak
Would You pour down like rain
Washing my eyes to see
Your majesty
To be still and know
That You're in this place
Please let me stay and rest
In Your holiness
Word of God speak

I'm finding myself in the midst of You
Beyond the music, beyond the noise
All that I need is to be with You
And in the quiet hear Your voice

I'm finding myself at a loss for words
And the funny thing is it's okay

Flowers in Your Hair...

2006-10-15T16:49:00.000-04:00

Anyone ever been to San Francisco? If so, do you have any advice on where to stay and what to see?

ummm... Panthers just won!

Pictures from our Little Mountain Journey

2006-10-10T21:09:00.000-04:00

2006-10-09T20:07:00.000-04:00

Since Tilden and I have been trying to use up our vacation days before the end of the year, we decided to take a few days off and go to the Outerbanks. Well, apparently some crazy weather pattern lovingly called the "Nor'easter" formed and was threatening to flood parts of the coast, so reluctantly we canceled our plans and opted for a trip to the other side of the state to enjoy God's artwork in the mountains. I really wanted to go to a pumpkin patch, so we found one online, and using his GPS navigation software, Tilden mapped out the directions to our journey to the pumpkin patch, then to Linville Gorge and Table Rock to do some hiking. His GPS software is on his laptop, so he put his laptop in the back seat of the car so the computer voice could call out directions to him as we were driving. The computer voice lady bugs me... she always interrupts me when I am in the middle of talking to say, "turn right in 1.2 miles" or "continue for 23.9 miles." I jokingly kept telling "her" to be quiet while we were driving, but of course she didn't listen to me because she only recognizes Tilden's voice and only does what he tells her to do. But then, when we were deep into the country roads on our way to the pumpkin farm, Tilden looks in the rearview mirror to check the map on the computer screen, and it is blank. His computer had died, right in the middle of nowhere. And not even the best IT guy in the world could fix it at that moment (I know because he tried). So we had no idea how to get to the pumpkin patch, and had to just find our way back onto some state road that dropped us off on the Blue Ridge Parkway. At least that "woman" in the back seat finally stopped talking! But the drive through the back roads was perfect, and we listened and danced to music as we drove up the mountain.

We ended up finding an apple orchard off the Parkway that I had taken the Club kids to a few times, so we went and picked apples instead of pumpkins. I still laugh when I think about Tilden jumping up to grab an apple on a top limb, only to have it fall down and hit him directly in the eye. He thought he had a black eye for sure, but luckily it was just a little bruised. The way fruits and flowers grow on trees is always amazing to me... God is one creative guy.

After we were full of apples, and Tilden had thoroughly acted out how Sir Isaac Newton discovered the concept of gravity, we headed to Linville Falls to do some hiking. With the leaves changing colors, the views were breathtaking. The whole day was filled with me just soaking up the beauty God has blessed us with in this life. I felt one with God, the Earth, and my husband. It was pretty amazing. At one point, the view of the endless spectrum of colors coming from the sun setting through the mountains that were speckled with rich reds, oranges, browns, and purples literally took my breath away. I was reminded of a quote my mother recently told me by Max Lucado:

"Next time a sunrise steals your breath or a meadow of flowers leaves you speechless, remain that way. Say nothing, and listen as heaven whispers, "Do you like it? I did it just for you."

Yes, God made this Earth for us to enjoy, cherish, and protect...

We finished the day by staying in a surreal mountain lodge in Little Switzerland off the parkway and enjoying the cold mountain night by playing cards and people-watching in the restaurant. I had a great weekend laughing and sharing life together with my husband... and we made some great memories in the process!

We returned from the mountains in time to go to Sarah and Jeff's wedding, and it too was beautiful. We were able to spend time late into the night with friends as we celebrated the joining of Sarah and Jeff's lives. Vacation days are great!

2006-09-26T22:05:00.000-04:00

I think I am just a little too excited about the new season of television shows...

Some Quotes from a Book I've been Reading...

2006-09-20T19:34:00.000-04:00

"God rarely shows you a problem so that you can tell someone else about it."

"We have defined holiness through what we separate ourselves from rather than what we give ourselves to. I am convinced the great tragedy is not the sins that we commit, but the life that we fail to live."

"God created you to do good. and doing this requires initiative."

"I am convinced that God longs to put His fingerprint in our lives, to act on our behalf and surprise us with His magnificence. I am equally convinced that most of the time we do not give God a context in which to do this. The mundane is not really the best context for a miracle. When we play it safe, we squeeze God out of the formula. If we go only where we know and do what we're certain will succeed, we remove our need for God."

and one more...

"The promise of Jesus that if we ask anything in His name, He will do it, is fueled not by how strongly we believe in something, but by how well we represent God's purpose and intention. If a prayer's ultimate intent is to fulfill God's will, we can move with confidence, even if God doesn't answer that prayer the way we expect. The more closely we reflect God's heart in our prayers, the more often our requests will match His response."

I could quote much more, but I will hold off for now.

The book: "Chasing Daylight" by Erwin McManus

To Elaborate...

2006-09-12T19:34:00.000-04:00

So yeah, I enjoy getting up and going to work in the morning. Even if it is at 8:30am. I feel like a grown-up, at least a little bit... going into an office... wearing heels... putting food in an office fridge... I even bought a suit. I like the role I am playing for the Clubs... I want to be a strong support for the Unit Directors and their staff so they can be a support for the KIDS that are making the Boys & Girls Clubs their home away from home everyday. I think because I have been in the Directors' shoes, I understand what they are going through, and I understand what they need in order to make the biggest IMPACT on their kids that they possibly can. I get that the kids are the most important part of our work, and then come the staff that work with them daily. It's not the Area Commander or Executive Director or the DC who are most important to me. I work for those kids and their staff.

I have already gotten to know many kids by name from the other Clubs around Charlotte, and I have seen my Marsh Road kids several times a week since I started my new job away from them. And Kristy was right... it never gets old to see them stop what they are doing when I walk in the room and smother me in hugs as their suddenly innocent voices squeal, "Miss Stephanie! Miss Stephanie!" I was never completely sure about my move to a new position, but I am confident now that it is the right move for me at this point in my life, and that is a good feeling.

So anyways, I know there will be frustrating days ahead. I know that there will be days that I want to slam my office door and go home. But I am really excited about the possibilities that lie ahead... I am in awe of all the amazing kids in this city... kids who are just waiting to have someone tell them they are beautiful and talented and full of worth, and then continue to show them as well... kids who will change the way they think about themselves, their world, and the God who made them all because of their experience with the Boys & Girls Club.

Thank you God for the work you have put in my life. Thank you for the vision, experience, and passion you have given me. Allow me to do Your Work to the best of my ability... wrap Your arms around the Clubs, children, and schools here in Charlotte, and bless all we do. Amen.

2006-09-08T23:58:00.000-04:00

I'm liking my new job...

:)

Oops!

2006-09-06T20:28:00.000-04:00

So I have really been wanting some cereal the past couple of days, but the milk we had in our refrigerator had gone bad several days ago (much like everything else in our fridge, I'm afraid). So finally we went to the grocery store to get some milk, and when we got home, I pulled down my box of Oh!'s (my favorite cereal, of course) from the pantry, and I poured all that was left in the box into my bowl. I tasted a couple of pieces before I poured my milk in to make sure that they too hadn't gone bad. Nope! They were still crunchy. So I poured on a good amount of sugar (because I love the sugary milk left in the bottom of the bowl when all the cereal is gone), and I then poured on our newly bought milk. As I was going to sit down on the couch to enjoy my cereal while watching some mindless tv, I took a bite of my delicious cereal. BLAUGH! It tasted disgusting! I couldn't even chew it up! I spit it out in the trashcan while Tilden stared at me, wondering what on earth was wrong. My immediate thought was that the milk we had just bought was bad, so I checked the date and smelled it. Nope. It was fine. Then I started to realize that the bite I had taken tasted more salty than rotten. Then I realized that all that sugar I had poured on my cereal was actually salt. Then Tilden started laughing at me. And then I started laughing at myself. And then I realized that I had used up all of my Oh!'s.

Oh well.

My Version of a "Des" Post

2006-09-05T22:08:00.000-04:00

I have been enjoying a site called Pandora for a while now at work. They call it the music genome project. Basically, you just type in a few songs/artists/albums that you enjoy, and it creates a music station based on the music you requested. It plays other music that is the same style of the music you initially put in, so listening to the station is a good way to find new, good music, which is sometimes a difficult thing to do.

If you don't like a song that it chooses, you can just click the 'thumbs down,' and it goes to the next song. You can register for free, and then you can just log in anytime you want to hear the stations you create. I created one for myself to listen to when I am working, and one for the kids to listen to when they come into my office. Well, my old office...

I enjoy it... and think you should try it too.

The End of Summer... the Beginning of Something New

2006-08-18T20:00:00.000-04:00

So today was the last day of summer camp at the Club. It was a hectic, busy, relaxing, beautiful day. We had a cookout at the park with all the kids and some of the parents...

So the end of summer camp means the beginning of my new job working with all the Charlotte Clubs. Yes, it was a little bittersweet as the mother of one of the Club members whom I have known for the past 7 years gave me a journal that all the kids had written in... tears couldn't help but form in my eyes as I read through it, just as they are now... but mostly I was ready to start a new chapter in my life... I had the entire summer to prepare mentally to leave the Club, and now I just have to do it physically. I love my Club kids... I love who they are becomming and I love the potential I see in each of them. I want them to understand how much they mean to me, and even more, to the God who created them... what's great is that now when I go over to the Club to work with them, I can devote my attention completely to them... although it won't be daily, it will be good, quality time... and I'm excited about that. Here's to a new beginning, and here's to all the beautiful kids who are finding a home away from home in our Clubs!

2006-08-06T17:23:00.000-04:00

I love how Pink Floyd, in all their drunken, drug-induced hazziness of the 60s and 70s, was able to see the suffering and pain and apathy in this world... how they were bothered by the neglect and head turning of the people who have the ability to change the darkness in the world...how a musical group that some would be so quick to judge and point fingers at and not allow into their place of worship can have such a Christ-like view of the world...I appreciate the irony there. And for some reason today, I am appreciating this song:

On the turning away
From the pale and downtrodden
And the words they say
Which we won't understand
Dont accept that what's happening
Is just a case of others suffering
Or you'll find that you're joining in
The turning away
It's a sin that somehow
Light is changing to shadow
And casting its shroud
Over all we have known
Unaware how the ranks have grown
Driven on by a heart of stone
We could find that were all alone
In the dream of the proud

On the wings of the night
As the daytime is stirring
Where the speechless unite
In a silent accord
Using words you will find are strange
And mesmerized as they light the flame
Feel the new wind of change
On the wings of the night

No more turning away
From the weak and the weary
No more turning away
From the coldness inside
Just a world that we all must share
Its not enough just to stand and stare
Is it only a dream that there'll be
No more turning away?

I guess it goes to show that you can find Christ where you least expect Him, and sometimes, in the places where you most expect Him, He is nowhere to be found.

2006-07-16T19:35:00.000-04:00

Tilden and I went to church this morning... decided to go even though we are on a "break" from Revolution... I couldn't justify sitting at home or sitting in the "big people's service" while all of those precious kids were around, so I went along for the ride in Revolution today, a ride that was driven by Rob, Heather, and the Summer Service Team.

For those who want to question and point fingers and wonder what's happening with those sometimes wild and unruly kids in Revolution... let me tell you that God was with us today. I think he may have been sitting right next to me as I sat in a circle with Rob and some of the kids as they prayed for each other... prayed that the burdens we had written on our prayer cards would be handed over to God...

One little girl prayed a prayer for another little girl that only she and God could understand... I understood maybe 2 words of what she said, but man, this girl was praying. And God was listening and smiling. Another child prayed that another kid would get along with her cousin and friends... another child asked God to take away my selfishness so I could completely do God's will...

Yes, the kids were sometimes coming in and out of rooms, running around barefoot. But I don't think that mattered one bit today. When one child whispered to Rob that he didn't know how to pray, Rob helped him tell God what he wanted to say. Oh, and that was supposedly a "churched" kid.

I think there is something seriously wrong with a church when it wants to put all its resources into providing a show for the adults who come to church on Sunday mornings. As Tilden said this morning when a respected member of the church said he was having a good morning until he saw Tilden in his t-shirt and shorts and said that we needed to figure out a way to get Tilden out of the back with the kids and once again into the chapel on Sunday mornings, "I thought that you adults in the service are all saved. What good am I in there?" We have to get our priorities straight. And we have to stop thinking that working with the kids on Sunday mornings is backstage work. It's the front lines. It's where the action is. It was definitely where God was hanging out today.

2006-07-11T20:05:00.000-04:00

I don’t know why I can’t get it out of my head… after all, it was just a bike crash. We have all experienced those many times in our lives, and I don’t want my thinking and writing to make it into a bigger deal… So I don’t know why this event keeps recycling itself inside my head… why it sits in the pit of my stomach like a weight when it comes to the surface of my thinking…

Maybe it was the image of seeing my brother lying in the ditch with blood on his face and my sister leaning over him… maybe it was not being sure why they were putting an oxygen mask over his face to help him breath when I came running up to the scene… maybe it was the fact that it hurt too bad for him to talk to tell us where the pain was… maybe it was because I was seeing my brother in so much pain, but was completely helpless… maybe it was because I was trying to be calm and clear headed, but really felt like passing out… maybe it was all the horrible thoughts going through my head as we were riding in the ambulance to the hospital because I just didn’t know what exactly was wrong with his body and I was preparing myself for the worst…maybe it was the sudden realization that life is precious and scary and no moment should be taken for granted…

Whatever it was, I just can’t seem to get my brother’s bike accident out of my head. I won’t go into all the details, but it basically involves our wonderful visit to Camp Ladore in Pennsylvania to see my sister and her dear family, an unlit area of the road, a bike going pretty fast, and a crash through a fence into a 7 foot ditch, probably head first. We keep saying that if he had meant to ride his bike through the ditch, he would have been fine; but it was dark and he was caught off guard.

Amazingly and thankfully, after X-raying I think every portion of his body from his nose to his legs, the doctor came in and said that nothing was broken and everything was okay. I don’t know if in that moment, God healed his body, but the relief that flooded over us at that moment was amazing. So many little things came into play, like the fact that he was wearing a helmet, even though he doesn’t like to… like the fact that he didn’t take off his hat that he wore under his helmet, which made it fit properly… like the fact that at the moment he crashed, two good guys happened to drive by on a golf cart and saw him. God did protect my brother, and he was okay… in extreme pain, but okay. Thank you God for hearing us and knowing exactly what You were doing… thank you for the realizations that you taught us through the experience… and thank you for my brother and his adventuresome spirit.

(Sorry Trip if you read this and would rather that I didn’t write it… I am not trying to spread the business of your life, but I just wanted to express my thoughts… besides, probably only a handful of people read this anyways, and they all care about you, and will be happy to know that you are starting to feel better and will be back out throwing a frisbee, playing soccer, and enjoying more of life in no time.)

Goals, not Relating to Soccer

2006-06-22T20:33:00.000-04:00

I have been inspired to set some obtainable goals for my personal being that I can accomplish by the end of this summer. These are goals that I have not previously had... goals that are not already hanging over my head like a huge weight. Instead, they are fresh and exciting and motivating. And they are NOT work related.

By the end of the summer, I will:

be able to run 2 miles in 18 minutes
be enrolled in a pottery class
have read 5 books, each on a different subject matter
have gotten in contact with and have shared a little bit of life with 3 people who I care much about but haven't talked to in a long time
have volunteered at least 3 hours for a non-profit agency that is not The Salvation Army
have taken a nap on the beach
have bought a plane ticket to a place that I have never been before

I may add to this list... but I want to be able to reach these goals without them becoming burdensome, so I am starting off easy...

Does anyone else have any personal summer goals?

Life Update

2006-06-15T18:42:00.000-04:00

Wow. What a whirlwind of a past couple of weeks. Time has gone by, but it is as if in a daze... like I have been living it in a dream. Not sure why, but when I try to think about where my time went the past 2 weeks, I have a hard time placing myself. It all seems timeless, I guess. I spent way too many hours than I care to mention getting ready for summer camp last week, and I guess all of my work paid off (and having an awesome staff has helped as well), because this 1st week of day camp has been the easiest week of camp that I can ever remember. I have worked less this week than any other week of summer camp, and for that restful, peaceful feeling, I am thankful. So yeah, this week has been filled with getting to know the newest additions to our Club family, and making sure nothing falls apart at the seam each day.

Trip graduated on Tuesday. I have a hard time realizing that my baby brother is a high school graduate, soon to be a college student at ASU. I am so proud of that boy... not just for graduating, but for the potential that he holds inside of him. I see that potential... and I can only imagine what he will accomplish when he decides to use it. He is amazing, and I love him. He reminds me of myself when I was his age... only with a huge musical talent and passion that helps define who he is.

Since Trip graduated, I was able to spend time with my family. I love my family. I feel so blessed to have a family that I can't wait to be with and laugh with and share life with. I think I knew how blessed I was growing up, but I am glad that I now can appreciate them and show them I love them. By the way, I have 3 of the most beautiful nieces in the entire world. When I look at them, I can't help but smile a smile from deep within, and then it is hard for me to take my eyes off of them. Seriously. I can't imagine how that feeling will be magnified even more when (if) I have my own children. How can you parents contain all the joy you feel when you look at your child? Life is preciously amazing.

I also finally made it over to Rob and Heather's house last night. And I am glad that I did. Two beautiful people doing an amazing thing. I am excited to get to know them better and play any role in their mission that God sees fit.

I am happy. I am sitting on my patio, surrounded by the flowers that Tilden and I planted that have actually grown and thrived, and life is good.

2006-06-05T23:53:00.000-04:00

Have you ever listened to music so beautiful that it was painful to listen to? so beautiful that you need to do more than just listen to it... you want it to surround you and consume you... and come from within you...

I heard music that beautiful tonight. We went to hear Over the Rhine at this cozy little theater off Elizabeth...

Just Another Friday Evening...

2006-05-27T13:48:00.000-04:00

The top picture is of the Speedway during the event and the huge screens used; the bottom picture is Cool Hand Luke himself at the race track

So yesterday afternoon while I was at Area Command, someone called wanting to donate 8 tickets to the world-wide premiere of the Disney/Pixar film "Cars." Since I was at the right place at the right time, I got the tickets. As always (atleast lately), I was hesitant to spend my personal weekend time doing work-related things. But I knew this was an opportunity that was once in a lifetime for these kids, so at the last minute, I gathered together a group of kids, got permission from their parents, and headed to Lowe's Motor Speedway in the rain and traffic in search for a new experience.

Yes, it took forever to get there... driving through traffic at the Speedway during a race weekend is never ideal. And yes, it took forever to be able to park, and yes, it took too long to wait on the shuttle bus to get us from the parking lot to the building. But, the kids and I were all in good spirits, and we finally made it to our entry gate. We had the unfortunate privilege on our way in of walking past some avid race car fans who had been enjoying the day drinking in the sun, but the kids laughed at their bellies hanging out of their clothes and their inappropriate t-shirts showing naked women fishing.

Along with the actual tickets to the event, everyone received these backstage-pass-looking badges to wear that admitted them in. When the security guards asked to see our badges, the kids all flashed theirs like they were movie stars. Then we got to walk down the actual red carpet on which all the celebrities were posing for the cameras as we entered the stadium. You should have seen the kids walking down this red carpet. I think they really thought the cameras were there for them. They were waving to everyone, hamming it up, and saying, "thank you, thank you..." Most people didn't pay them any attention, but they did get some smiles and "enjoy your evenings" from the event staff. Celebrities such as Owen Wilson, Paul Newman, Larry the Cable Guy, Tony Shalhoub (Monk), Cheech, and Mona from Who's the Boss were all there since they were the voices of characters in the movie. Once we finally got seated (after the whole group of us scooted through a row of people only to find out we were in the wrong seats and had to scoot back out again-- twice!), we were able to enjoy a short race, a military salute complete with airplanes flying overhead, and a concert by some country singer (Who, in the words of one of the girls with me, "has a good voice, for a hillbilly!") before the movie began.

As we were sitting there, it occurred to me that these poor kids must be starving... it was almost 9:00, and they hadn't had any dinner. Sure enough, right when I started thinking this, they started saying, "Miss Stephanie, I'm hungry." "Miss Stephanie, I want some nachos." And almost as immediate, a man sitting a couple seats from us scooted over to me and said that he was glad we were able to attend, and he gave me quite a bit of money to buy some snacks and drinks for the kids. It turns out, he was the one who donated the tickets to us, and he ended up being a sort of guardian angel for us the rest of the night by giving us money for food, giving us towels to wipe off our seats after it rained, and giving the kids souvenir t-shirts that they each immediately thanked him for and wore.

The movie didn't get started until after 10pm, so I knew it would be a late night. It was shown on huge movie screens that were 5 stories high and 50 stories wide. It was a really cute movie-- it's amazing the personality that animators can give to a car-- and it had some notable lessons intertwined into the plot. Luckily, before we had left the Club, I grabbed a couple of jackets from the lost & found and had Tilden bring me a blanket from home because it started raining while we were watching the movie, and it got chilly as the night progressed. When the movie was over, I woke up two of the girls who had fallen asleep snuggled under the blanket, and carried one of them as we started our trek back to where we were parked. After having all of the kids take turns using the bathroom in the bushes around the parking lot because we were parked in some gravel lot far from any real bathroom (we created a boys bathroom and a girls bathroom in the bushes), we hopped back in the van and headed home.

On the way home, I told the kids that it was after midnight, so it was technically the next day. They didn't believe me at first, but I explained a little more what I meant. Then one of the girls, the one I carried to the van, said in her adorable sleepy voice, "well, in that case, good morning, Miss Stephanie!" I dropped each of the kids off at their homes, waited for them to knock on their doors and their parents' bedroom windows to wake them up and let them in, wave good bye to me, and safely get into their homes. Then I too, went to my home. By the time I got home, it was almost 2:00am.

Yeah, I spent my Friday evening, night, and early Saturday morning working, but not only were these kids able to make a memory they will remember forever, I somehow did as well.

2006-05-22T22:33:00.000-04:00

Pros... Cons...

Pros: wider range to impact kids; hours more conducive to a life outside of work; can enable others to make a bigger difference in the lives of more kids; have time to plan and implemet ideas; can continue to see kids but just less frequently and could possibly apply the quality-not-quantity concept; moving on-- something that is inevitable eventually; taking a step forward...

Cons: leaving my kids, some of whom I have worked with daily for the past 6 years; leaving the environment where I am most comfortable; not being hands-on with kids as much anymore; playing the boss role; having to wake up earlier; closer to the annoyances of administration; taking a step forward...

... in prayer about a new job opportunity, still with the Boys & Girls Clubs...

First Year Down...

2006-05-15T21:05:00.000-04:00

Happy anniversary to us...

Tilden and I are celebrating our first year anniversay today... I have a feeling that we have many awesome years ahead of us filled with laughter, love, learning...

Thank you to all of you who shared in the celebration of us joining our lives together one year ago today!

2006-05-12T22:36:00.000-04:00

So, I've been playing around with macromedia lately, trying to tap into the inner graphic designer in me...

By the way, I don't think graphic design varies greatly from scrapbooking...

2006-05-12T01:13:00.000-04:00

Boycott, anyone??

2006-05-03T23:09:00.000-04:00

Exxon recently posted its 2006 1st quarter profits at $8.4 billion, which means that the company made $1,080 a second. With our current gasoline prices, that per-second profit is enough to pay for gas for the average American vehicle to be driven 7,750 miles... enough to drive from Seattle to Miami and back again. Exxon’s 2005 4th quarter profit of $10.7 billion is a record for any US company. And if that doesn’t raise enough questions, Exxon’s CEO recently received a $400 million annual pay and retirement package compared to Chevron’s CEO receiving $37 million and ConocoPhillips CEO receiving $17 million in total compensation last year (which is more than enough already!).

Does that piss you off at least a little? Who else wants to boycott some profit-hungry oil companies???

(info. received from cnnmoney.com)

Oh... and one more thing...

In Gaffney, South Carolina, Pantry, Inc. is suing Petro Express for low prices claiming that two of its stations offered gas below cost. Yup. Pantry claims that the lower prices violated South Carolina’s Unfair Trade Practices Act that says motor fuel retailers cannot offer prices below cost with the intent or effect of impairing competition. Seriously?? That’s like saying that car companies should sue each other if one offers a car at a lower price, or that Banana Republic should sue Wal-Mart for selling a black t-shirt at a cheaper price. There is actually a law that keeps gas prices from going too low??? We see whose side the law makers are on, now don’t we! They're on the side with the $400 million income-makers...

Dads are Awesome (and very cute at times!)

2006-04-29T21:17:00.000-04:00

2006-04-26T21:47:00.000-04:00

I've been researching elementary, middle, and high schools in the CMS system. You think segregation, and even apartheid no longer exist and/or are no longer an issue?? Think again. Here is some info on just a few middle schools in Charlotte:

Spaugh Middle-- total population: 566

Black/Hispanic population: 94.5% Other population: 5.5%
Gifted/Talented population: 3%
Students qualifying for Free/Reduced lunch: 92.6%
Percent of 8th grade students passing math EOG: 53.8%
Percent of 8th grade students passing reading EOG: 60.2%

Marie G. Davis Middle-- total population: 440

Black/Hispanic population: 98.2% (96.1% black) Other population: 1.8%
Gifted/Talented population: 1.6%
Students qualifying for Free/Reduced lunch: 93.6%
Percent of 8th grade students passing math EOG: 53.8%
Percent of 8th grade students passing reading EOG: 62%

Sedgefield Middle-- total population: 585

Black/Hispanic population: 86.1% Other popluation: 13.9%
Gifted/Talented population: 3.9%
Students qualifying for Free/Reduced lunch: 82.9%
Percent of 8th grade students passing math EOG: 74.3%
Percent of 8th grade students passing reading EOG: 72.8%

Jay M. Robinson Middle-- total population: 1,177

Black/Hispanic population: 15.3% Other population: 84.7% (78% white)
Gifted/Talented population: 21.5%
Students qualifying for Free/Reduced lunch: 9.2%
Percent of 8th grade students passing math EOG: 97.7%
Percent of 8th grade students passing reading EOG: 97.0%

South Charlotte Middle-- total population: 1,089

Black/Hispanic population: 14.6% Other population: 85.4%
Gifted/Talented population: 24.4%
Students qualifying for Free/Reduced lunch: 9.7%
Percent of 8th grade students passing math EOG: 98.2%
Percent of 8th grade students passing reading EOG: 99.1%

These are just a few samples of only Middle Schools here in Charlotte. The data on elementary schools and high schools are consistent with this data. Do the test scores shown mean that Black and Hispanic students are just not as smart as the other kids ("other" meaning predominately white, but also Asian and a handful of Native Americans)? I hardly think so. I think it means that way too many resources are given to our suburban schools that are filled with predominately white students. When did having a school with 96.1% of the students being black become okay? What happened to the years and years of sacrifice that people made during the 60s, 70s, and 80s to ensure that children would not have to grow up in unequal schools? Has changing the terminology from "segregated" schools to "neighborhood" schools made it okay to fill schools with poor children while other schools are filled with rich white children who can afford the advantages that can get them placed in gifted & talented classes?

This is taking place right here in Charlotte. Yes, it is happening on even a bigger scale in the schools of New York City, Chicago, Detroit, Boston, and Los Angeles, but it is also happening right here. It's amazing the injustice we are willing to sit back and let happen.

(I received all of my school data from the CMS School Profiles webpage)

really?!

2006-04-25T21:32:00.000-04:00

This is a post that I was going to post, but decided not to because, afterall, I don't want to make a bigger deal over the topic:

I've been thinking quite a bit about this whole topic of women needing to cover themselves up more so as not to cause men to sin. And I'm just not buying it. I have read a couple of people's blogs about it, and while I definitely see their well-written points, it just doesn't sit well with me. I have also had long conversations with other men and women about it--some of whom have read books about the topic, and I still don't think it is that big of a deal. I know that people can write books about anything and sell them and convince readers that the topic is truth and a big deal.

Please don't tell me that it is a woman's fault for a guy choosing to look at her lustfully. If it is that much of a problem for a man, then he needs to get a grip. And don't tell me that it is a part of human nature. Sin is a part of human nature, and we can control if we want to sin or not. I'm just in the mindset that a woman's body is what she has been given, and she should not have to feel bad if it is hot, and she should not feel bad if it isn't. Sex is everywhere we turn, but yet it is still widely forbidden, thanks to our country's Puritist roots. I think the problem with sex is more prevalent in the United States... in other western societies people aren't as screwed up when it comes to dealing with (or not dealing with) sexuality. It is because of this twisted sexual message that women have so many self-esteem problems that lead to negative behaviors such as bad eating habits, anorexia, substance abuse, adolescent pregnancies...

So where do we draw the line? Should women just start walking around covered head to toe as in the Middle East? If the problem now is low-cut shirts and pants that are a little too tight, then is the problem tomorrow going to be exposed ankles and wrists?

As someone who works with young girls everyday, I feel it is important for me to let them know how valued they are... not only how beautiful they EACH are, but how smart, talented, and gifted each of them are as well. I want them to know that they do not need to dress promiscuously in order to get attention from a male. But at the same time, I want them to not feel like they are an object, and I want them to be comfortable wearing whatever they feel is appropriate without having to worry if guys are staring at them or not. I think part of my problem with what I have heard is that it seems to objectify women. It sounds to me like people are saying that my body IS something for men to look at, and that the fact that men want to look at my body is okay, so I just need to cover it up so they won't be able to. I don't buy it. When does a girl get to simply be comfortable just being a girl?

Anyways, I am sure most of you will disagree with me, and that is fine. I haven't done any extensive research or reading on this topic, so what I am saying is simply my opinion. One neat thing about my thinking about this topic though is my new interest and involvement with Girls On the Run, a program with the mission statement: "To educate and prepare girls for a life time of self-respect and healthy living."(Check it out at girlsontherun.org.) Maybe one day girls won't have to worry about being labeled by other girls or gawked at by guys. Until then, let's all take responsibility for our own actions, let's not be so quick to judge others, and when we have a problem with what someone else is wearing, let's stop to think why, and then if it is still a problem, let's confront that person in a loving way.

2006-04-18T20:02:00.000-04:00

I don't want to be a materialistic person. I don't want possessions to matter to me. It's hard because I feel so strongly about giving what I have to those who need it...to those, as Rob Bell puts it, who are living a hell on earth. And I can see myself giving so much more... moving to a place that costs a third of what my current home costs--I could be paying for 2 additional families who are currently living on the streets to live in a halfway decent place for a year. But I love my home and I love having nice possessions and I love convenience and I love safety. It is almost by accident that I enjoy nice things so much... I really don't want to be that way, but it just kind of happens. I can usually keep the desire in check, but not always. I know there are so many joys in life that aren't possessions... and I want to experience them as well... but so many of them cost money-- traveling, new experiences, hobbies, good food... so is it being selfish for me to want to experience these things?

God, please take the desire out of me to have expensively nice things... I feel that it is sinful and at the end of my life, I would like to look back and see all of the acts of love I commited instead of all of the nice possessions I had... can both exist? It's like my heart is telling me I have the spiritual gift of voluntary poverty, but every other ounce of my being is telling me otherwise...

Easter Egg Hunt in Savannah Woods today... lots of adorable kids with lots of candy...

2006-04-15T13:02:00.000-04:00

There is this one kid, Elijah, who just turned 5 and is still too young to come to the Club, but his twin 7 year-old brother and sister come over daily, as well as his 10 year-old brother. Many evenings, Elijah comes running into the Club with his mother to pick up his siblings. He bounces up to me, gives me a big hug, looks up with a smile, and asks, "Can I have some candy?!" Now Elijah has a bit of a speech impediment, so it was at first difficult to understand what he was asking me. But now I know, and sure enough, everytime I see him, that is what he asks me. So today, after Elijah had crammed a grocery bag with plastic candy-filled eggs that he found, we were sitting in the grass counting them in amazement at how much candy he had received. He looked at all of his eggs, then looked up at me, and with that cute smile, said, "Miss Stephanie, now YOU can ask ME for candy next time you see me!"

I love hanging out with kids when they are in their element... when they are free to be kids... to be joyous and pensive and curious and uninhibited...

Why does life seem to take that from us as we get older?

2006-04-14T12:24:00.000-04:00

Jesus' desire for his followers is that they live in such a way that they
bring heaven to earth.

What's disturbing then is when people talk more about hell after this life
than they do about hell here and now. As a Christian, I want to do what I
can to resist hell coming to earth. Poverty, injustice, suffering-- they
are all hells on earth, and as Christians we oppose them with all our
energies. Jesus told us to.

-- Rob Bell in "Velvet Elvis"

2006-04-12T21:57:00.000-04:00

Tilden makes beautiful flower arrangements...

he also wakes from a dead sleep and says random, possibly profound things, and then doesn't remember it in the morning.

These are two unrelated reasons why I love him.

2006-04-04T23:14:00.000-04:00

So Tilden and I just got back from being mesmerized by the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theater. They are in Charlotte tonight and tomorrow night, and if I could, I would go back tomorrow night and dance along with them in the back of the theater. They were awesome. Even Tilden loved it. I wish I could take the kids from the Club to see the performance... so many of them love to dance, and this would open their eyes to the vastness of modern dance. There are a couple of videos you can watch at alvinailey.org, but if you ever get the chance to see the company in person, go.

2006-04-03T22:36:00.000-04:00

So I was just flipping through the tv channels, trying to find something besides "Law & Order" to watch, when I strangely got pulled into watching a man chop onions. It was the local community college channel, and the culinary arts department head was teaching a lesson on how to correctly cut onions, ginger, and garlic. I was actually in awe of how quickly he diced an onion, and the technique that he explained as he did it. I made something the other day where not only did I have to dice onions, but I had to sauté them and put them into a recipe with many other ingredients that had to be chopped and prepared. The prep time on the recipe card said 20 minutes. Yeah, it took my an hour and a half. So I am thinking as I am watching this guy cut his onions in pieces the same size in record time that I should just stop now. I don't even want to think about my sautéing deficiencies if I can't even cut correctly. Oh well... it gives me something to practice... and reminds me that there is a whole other set of people out there with skills that I will never be able to master...and I am definitely appreciative of them... and next time I will just stick with "Law & Order."

2006-03-29T02:05:00.000-05:00

So I have discovered that blogging may not be for me. For one thing, I can never seem to remember my username or password so that I can post when I actually have a thought I think may be worth writing. But tonight I figured it out, so...

I enjoy the show "Boston Legal." I like how the creators always seem to slide in political issues and their liberal views into each cleverly-written episode. One episode recently dealt with a girl who refused to pay her taxes, and sent her tax forms back with a sticky note attached that said "stick it." I personally love this idea and hate the fact that it happens to be illegal.

Okay, so she most likely just didn't have the money to pay her taxes, but she said the reason was because she was ashamed of America lately... the whole fighting in Iraq for reasons that are now not what was said originally... the torturing of prisoners... the unapologetic executive branch of the government... the fact that if you protest a war you are called unpatriotic...

So I have told my wonderful husband that if I have to pay any additional taxes this year, I am going to send back a sticky note that says "stick it"(okay...that, along with my check). But I seriously am going to send back a list of what I would like my tax money to go towards and what I would appreciate not a cent of my money going towards. You know... very much like when you donate to United Way. You can mark what programs or even what agencies for which you wish your money to go. I would be much more willing to donate my money to the current government that I am so skeptical of if I could just designate where I want the money to be used... for education and HeadStart and afterschool programs and highways and the beautiful wildflowers that line the highways and to stop the spread of AIDS in Africa and to find a cure for cancer and to give the poor in this country an equal opportunity and to promote peace throughout this world...

Yeah, if I knew that would be where each of my dollars would be used, then I'd be much more willing and happy to tithe my money to this government...

2006-02-24T23:15:00.000-05:00

Yeah, so I am not so sure about this whole blogging thing, but it could be fun!

In the words of Buddha, "If we could see the miracle of a single flower clearly, our whole life would change."